You can’t deliver a good apology without empathy for the impact your actions had on the other person—and you can’t make the space you need for that empathy without looking at your own wounds that led you to make the choices you did. Reach out to your community of care to support you in this process.
Soak in how your actions impacted the other person. Ask the other person—or people like them—how this experience might have felt. Bear witness. Let their hurt into your heart. Feel it. Focus on the one you hurt, not on yourself. Display empathy, not defensiveness. Learn what you need to do to make it right. Did your actions have impact on a community? That community will also need an apology. Name all this. Address all this. You can do it! Enroll in trainings, therapy, or service that will set you on a path so you don’t hurt someone in this way in the future. Incorporate what you’ve learned into your apology, then take the action you promised you’d take to make things right.
Looking to make a wise and effective apology right now?
Here are some key pieces of wisdom to consider:
About Shuva
Our team is led by Jericho Vincent (they,them) a post-ultra-Orthodox activist passionate about transformation, trauma, and morality, and Rabbi Dovid Bashevkin (he/him) an Orthodox rabbi, writer, podcast host, and professor.
Shuva is rooted in values of restorative justice and resonate values found in ancient Jewish practice.
We are deeply grateful for the support of Lippman Kanfer Foundation for Living Torah and our anonymous donors.
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